Empty

I need someone to talk to,
but there's no one for me to talk with.

That's how sad my life is.

For once I know what sacrifice means

You say you will change for me, for this relationship, but what’s the point?
You know I’ve always been passionate about this relationship and give everything to it. I’ve always been myself and I want you to always be yourselves too. As I told you, if a person has to change in order for a relationship to work then it is no longer love but sacrifices. Will you be happy if you change? Nobody would.

I hope you don’t ever think that I wanted to leave you because of your attitude and behavior. You shouted, scolded, beat and even slapped me, I don’t give a damn about all these things. I’ve never want to leave you. Never once in my life. But I just want you to realize what u are getting into if u were being with me. I might not always be there for you and it might be for months which I know you couldn’t take it. You said you will accept it, but my question is will you be happy?

As I grow up I have bigger responsibilities towards my family, you as well as my studies and work. I don’t have much time to spend with my family before and I really want to spend time with them. I have to accept that they are old, and they don’t have much time with me left. I just want to spend all the moments I have with them. Out of my 18 years of life, I have only lived with them for about 7 years. In that 7 years, I rarely saw my dad as he’s a workaholic and always go home late. In that 7 years I’ve seen my mum struggling to raise me and my siblings up and suffers from depression. I just want to spend time with them and show them that I appreciate everything they do for me. Well at least for once I just want to show them that I really love them. I can’t miss this chance and I don’t want to regret anymore.

On the other hand, I know you will be struggling waiting for me to come back. You will be struggling not seeing me for months. I know you will be in great pain. You have to think of yourself also. You have to find your own happiness also. Only then I could feel happy seeing you happy.

All I’m trying to do is that “I don’t want you to struggle with me and my life when you don’t have to.” You have the option but I don’t. I just want you to think wisely for this.

The most memorable moment of my life

For once,I saw my dad, who rarely spoke to me, always be fierce and scolding me me, shed tears when I was boarding my plane.

My heart broke.

In the name of God

I’m currently having my attachment. I come to work everyday for nothing, do nothing, learn nothing and think that I’m wasting my time. But slowly I realized that I’m learning something very meaningful at my age which is how hard this life is. How bored you are, how tired you are, how lazy you are, how sad you are or even how sick you are, you still have to work in order to survive in this life. I’m not born with a silver spoon and I don’t like to be spoon-feed as well. Only until today, I finally realized everything that I have wasted and lost. I have wasted my time playing, wasted my money on stupid stuffs and most importantly wasted my parents money.
How long more could they live in this world? I don’t know why but this question always appear in my mind. Yet I have wasted their time and effort to teach me to do the right thing yet I chose to do the opposite. For that I’m really sorry.
There’s nothing I could do to pay them back. It’s really not easy to raise me, yet they still able to do it. My mum once suffered from stress mainly because of me. I always argue to her and want to do things my way. But, only until now then I realize how much she has sacrificed for me. My parents expect a lot from me as the rest of my siblings doesn’t have good education. They have been trying their best making me studies, paying for my tuition classes and stuffs. But what have I did? When I was in Primary 6 , I insulted them for sending me here. Throughout my secondary school life, I disappoint them with my results. And now in my Poly Year, I have wasted 2 years.
Is only until today that I realized all the sacrifice they made for me but I have been only just a disappointment for them. My parents are old and my father even has a heart-disease from smoking too much. How long can he stay on? I couldn’t even make him proud until this moment. I’m just afraid that I don’t have a chance to. My heart is seriously hurting. I just hope that I could spend more time with them but I can’t.
I don’t even have anything to offer to my parents at all. I’m a man with nothing but regrets. Regrets which can never be paid off.

To Mom & Dad,
Here I would like to apologize for everything that I’ve done. I know this word of “sorry” will never reach to you and you will never know about this post. However, deeply down my heart, I just want to apologize for everything. I just want to let you know that your son here has finally become a man. For that he will stop doing all the stupid things he always does. For that he will try to his very best to make you proud. For that he will appreciate everything you have done for me. For that he will learn from all his mistakes and never repeat it again. For that you will always in my heart. Thank you for everything.
Love,
Your son, Andrew

Happy Chinese New Year

Sorry for not blogging for such a long time.
Have been busy with exam and school.
And I just got posted to Resorts World for my attachment.
I will be working there until end of April if I'm not wrong.

Have been going around with Darling's family for CNY.
I just feel awkward and feel like an extra to be there.
Cuz all are family except for me.
Well maybe in future I will be,
I dunno.

There's actually something that kind of bothering me.
I just feel that even when we're together everyday,
and you are having holiday,
yet we don't communicate much.
I dunno why I just feel that way.
Everytime I try to talk to you,
You just seems not wanting to reply or tired.
Everytime I hold you,
You just seems not to care or tired.
Darn.

I guess next week will be worse,
Both will be working,
If this continue then it won't be good.
I know you won't be happy to see this,
but what's the point if I hide my feelings?
It means that I did not tell you the truth,
in other words it means that I lie to you,
I don't want that to happen that's why I spit it out.
I hope you understand.
And I hope we can do something about it.

That's my New Year Resolution.

Andrew is...

Yey!
Just got back my Biz Finance results,
got 29/30 wohoooo!
Andrew just pawned BusinessFinance for 29 marks.
Andrew is dorminating!

But I guess on Thursday EFMA may end my streak -.-"
I don't know why I have been scoring well for my tests,
Maybe I have been eating more,
therefore my brain also grow bigger!
Teheee!

Anyway today I bathe that little dog.
He was so adorable.
Haha
But smell like fish!

Happy New Year

Hello people!
Whoever that read this blog.
Well it seems like only my darling read -.-"

Have been busy with school work lately..
Exam, project, homework and stuffs.
I really really wanna do well in my studies.
I don't want to play around anymore.
Thinking of my future makes me worry at times.
So I really have to study hard.

Looking forward to finish my final year exam,
then CNY holiday and also my attachment.
So excited.

Darling has been busy working everyday also.
Here pain, There also pain.
Everywhere pain.
But I dunno what to do,
Give moral support only.
Teeheee
Jiayou!